Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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