So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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