I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
