i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
