just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
