I just cut my nipple shaving
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
