We're facebook friends in real life
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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