it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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