its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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