pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
