I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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