you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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