Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
