And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
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He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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