Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
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it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
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You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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