Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
