And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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