White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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