Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
