THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Houston, we have a squirter
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
