I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just had sex on a roof
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
