but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
