i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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