Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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