I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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