On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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