discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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