another moral hangover. fuck.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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