wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
