I bet he comes in French.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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