I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
