is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
