im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
