There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
