So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
