she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
