I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
