uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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