I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
love makes seman taste better
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
