Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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