all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
