I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
