ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
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doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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