At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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