Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
