Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
