So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
