The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
