So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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