i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
