I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
