Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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