if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize