Can i not drive my cunt home
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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