As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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