My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This show inspires me to have sex in space
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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