I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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