Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
