even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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