She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
