mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
