I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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