I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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