My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
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