Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
