woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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