He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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