the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
