I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i came on her dog
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
