Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
