Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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