my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
